Just Family
/Best Friends Kathy Shirley And Ginger Shirley Are An Unconventional Duo
By Phoebe Warren
photos by makayla jones photography.
Ginger Shirley and Kathy Shirley have a lot in common besides their last name. Both warm, genuine, and kind, they each exhibit southern hospitality and outgoing personalities. Kathy admitted that she may sometimes take the word “extroverted” to a new level. “I normally say what’s on my mind—sometimes I shouldn’t, but that’s just me,” she said. “I love people, being around people, and going and doing things.” Ginger echoed the sentiment, adding that she was voted “Class Clown” her senior year of high school. The close friends can finish each other’s sentences the way lifelong pals can—but Ginger and Shirley only met ten years ago, after Kathy got a divorce, and Ginger began dating her ex-husband.
“When I first started dating Gary, he said, ‘I hope it doesn’t bother you, but I am still good friends with my ex-wife,’” Ginger recalled. “I immediately responded, ‘No problem at all. I would much rather you love her than hate her.’
“I had always heard horror stories about ‘the ex’ and braced myself for the crazy rollercoaster ride and the drama,” she continued. “I was unexpectedly and pleasantly surprised when I met Kathy. I don’t think either one of us felt awkward; my first impression of her was that she seemed to be so kind and funny, and her girls were the very same.”
Ginger and Kathy love celebrating the holidays together. Submitted photo.
Ginger saw her future with Gary immediately after meeting him at work; Gary, now retired, was a quality assurance specialist at Red River Army Depot, while Ginger was and remains an army community service director. “After a few dates, I told my girls, ‘I’m going to marry this man,’” Ginger shared. “Six months later, we married on the beach of Panama City, Florida. Gary has always lived in New Boston, and that’s where we call home, on 40 acres in the country. We call it the G&G Farm.”
About 70 miles away, Kathy lives in Gladewater, Texas, where she moved after retiring from a 43-year career in banking. Now a full-time “Nonnie” to her three grandchildren (with one on the way), Kathy’s primary focus is on her family—and that includes Gary and Ginger.
From their very first meeting, Kathy “never felt awkward or uncomfortable being around Ginger and Gary,” she said. “We hit it off right off the bat. Gary was like, ‘This is kind of weird that my wife and my ex-wife are such good friends,’ but you can’t help but love Ginger.”
An unexpected friendship was born. Ginger promptly encouraged Gary to include Kathy in all the family events. Both women acknowledged that their bond defies conventional norms, yet it holds a unique significance that rivals that of any traditional friendship.
Left to right: Makayla Jones, Marissa Jones with baby Ryker, Marla and Cody Evans, Ginger and Gary Shirley, Erica Dudley, Kathy Shirley, and Ashley Dyar. submitted photo.
“Gary’s girls hear [how strange it is] a lot,” Ginger said. “‘Wait a minute, your mom and stepmom are best friends and do everything together?’ ‘Yes, they shop together, go to the horse races together, go out to dinner, camping, and boating together, and they’ve gone to church together’—and just when you think it can’t get more weird, to this day, we still all vacation and spend holidays together.”
“One of the funniest things that happened with Ginger and me was when we were all camping, and I was pulling her and Gary on the innertube behind the boat,” Kathy said. “Somehow I hit a wave and sent both of them flying through the sky. When Ginger got back in the boat, she said, ‘Dang, you might wanna kill your ex, but don’t kill me!’ We all had a good laugh.”
Ginger, Kathy, and Gary show up for each other and their larger families in many ways. Gary helps Kathy with tasks few ex-husbands would take on: “He’ll help by fixing her lawn mower and mowing her lawn, or trimming trees in her yard, or taking the dog to the vet,” Ginger said. “I love that about him. I love that he still has a loving connection with his ex-wife and wants to help her when needed; that shows me what a great man he is.”
“I am so thankful that Gary and I can stay friends and do everything still as a family,” Kathy said. She added that she gained not only Ginger but also Ginger’s daughters as family members; they “have never treated me like an ex-wife,” she said. “More like an aunt.”
“We say to each other ‘I love you,’ and that is the honest truth. We’re not ‘step.’ We’re not ‘half.’ We’re just family.”
To further explain their special bond, the two women recounted a story of a family celebration derailed by illness. “When Gary and I were driving to Longview for his granddaughter’s birthday, halfway there I started feeling sick,” Ginger said. “Knowing I couldn’t go to the party and possibly expose everyone, I stayed in the car. Kathy came out and drove me to her house, stopping along the way so I could throw up. Inside the house, Kathy helped me get into her pajamas and let me sleep in her bed. She took great care of me until the party was over and Gary took me home.”
Both women emphasized that, even if they had not gotten along with each other naturally, they would have done their best to ensure the best for their children. “In a blended family, the children most often get shuffled to the side, so Kathy and I made them a priority,” Ginger said. “Never did we want our daughters to feel stressed, tense, awkward, unaccepted, or unloved. We wanted the best life for our girls, with no drama or chaos, and we knew we had to be the example for them.”
Luckily for the entire Shirley clan, Kathy and Ginger set that example with ease and grace. “We have great respect for each other,” Ginger said. “[Over the past ten years], we have never had a cross word spoken. We say to each other ‘I love you,’ and that is the honest truth. We’re not ‘step.’ We’re not ‘half.’ We’re just family.”