Lauren Crowder Became a Mother at 40 Through IVF
By Ellen Orr

On August 16th, 2024, Lauren Crowder turned 40. Her 30s had been a decade full of life and milestones: at 30, she began dating Mike Crowder, the man she’d marry at 31. She grew in her career as an adult mental health support worker at Community Healthcore. She traveled with friends. She celebrated the growth of her five younger siblings, who are between three and 36 years her junior. But, as wonderful as the prior 10 years had been, Lauren did not grieve leaving her 30s behind—because the day she turned 40 was the day her son, Crew, embarked upon the world.

As a teen and young adult, Lauren did not put much thought into having a baby—in part because she always had younger siblings to pour into at home.

“Growing up, it seemed like there was always a baby crying,” she said. “My parents had my brother Brett a month after I graduated high school. So [in my 20s] it was like, ‘I’m not ready to have children. I still have a baby brother.’”

Another factor was Lauren’s reproductive health, which had never been typical. She experienced her first period at the late age of 19, as a student at the University of Arkansas. That began a series of irregular, painful cycles, which no doctor or prescription could manage. In her early 20s, she was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis—two conditions that can make conception difficult.

Lauren didn’t dwell on her potential infertility; she didn’t think much about it at all, until her mid-30s.

“We weren’t rushing [to have children],” Lauren said. “It was way down the line [before we started thinking about having a baby].”

In 2019, a few years into their marriage, Lauren and Mike began talking about trying to conceive. They knew that natural conception was unlikely, but they chose to stop all birth control and just see what happened. In late 2022, after three years without any success, they decided to take a more proactive approach, spurred on by their family’s support.

“It was Christmas, and we were at my dad’s house with [my siblings, their partners, and their children],” Lauren recalled. “My brother asked, ‘Y’all gonna have kids?’ My family knows I have [reproductive] issues, and so I was like, ‘It’s not that we don’t want to; it’s just—’ and that’s when my dad said, ‘We back you 100%. Any way we can help, we’ll step up and help. Don’t let something hold you back.’

“I was sitting there watching my nieces and nephews jumping around, and thinking back to when I was a kid with all my cousins at holidays,” she continued. “I wanted to have a kid of my own in there, playing with their cousins. So, that was the tipping point.”

In 2023, Lauren and Mike began researching fertility treatments and providers. Through internet searches and word-of-mouth, they learned of Dr. Jerald Goldstein, a DFW fertility specialist. Lauren tried to make an appointment with him but for various reasons hadn’t gotten in. Then, in April, she and Mike went to Mexico for a friend’s wedding. While there, they met another wedding guest—a 43-year-old mom toting around her 8-month-old daughter. It was soon revealed that they had gotten pregnant through IVF, with the help of Dr. Goldstein. To Lauren, it felt like a sign. When she returned stateside, she was determined to become one of Dr. Goldstein’s patients.

Mike and Lauren pursued conception at the Fertility Specialists of Texas, with Dr. Jerald Goldstein. submitted photo.

On July 31st, she had her first appointment in Plano. Less than two months later, on September 19th, she began taking injections to stimulate egg production. On October 5th, Lauren underwent egg retrieval. Of the initial 11 eggs retrieved and fertilized, five grew into embryos. Those five embryos were tested for genetic abnormalities and viability; only one embryo was healthy enough to implant.

“I was heartbroken,” Lauren recalled. The odds were against her. At 39, and with her health history, the odds of conceiving with just one embryo were small. And, while she knew she had familial support, she did not want to undergo the entire IVF process more than once; the financial expense, without any guarantee of success, was just too high—not to mention the physical and emotional costs. But, despite her concerns, Lauren trusted her intuition—and her intuition said that one round of IVF was going to result in a baby.

“I had this gut feeling that was like, ‘Give it one try,’” she shared. “So I said, ‘I’ll do one round of IVF. I know the statistics, and I know that, for most people my age, it takes at least two or three rounds.’ [The fertility specialists] tried to talk me into doing another round [of IVF so that they would have more embryos to implant], but I said no.”

On December 5th, 2023, the lone healthy embryo was transferred. Two weeks later, bloodwork revealed that Lauren’s gut had been right: she was pregnant. She shared the news online in Februrary; accompanying an ultrasound still were the words, “Made with lots of love and a little science.” Lauren had expected the outpouring of support and excitement she received from her friends and family. She had not expected the vitriol from strangers and acquaintances that popped up in her inbox.

“People were telling me, ‘You’re playing God,’ and ‘You’re gonna get what you deserve,’” she recalled. “Some of this was from people I knew from around town, and I couldn’t believe these people thought that I was doing something so evil. I have thick skin; I’m not someone that cares about someone else’s opinion, and nobody was going to take away from my excitement. But no wonder a lot of people don’t come forward about using modern medicine.”

Despite the hateful messages, Lauren does not regret sharing her fertility journey with the world.

“I was an open book with [my fertility treatments]; from the start, it was not a secret,” she said. “Working in mental health made me want to be open with it.” She explained that, just as mental illness is stigmatized, so too is infertility. “But there’s nothing wrong with [either situation],” she shared. “Nobody is 100% perfect, and everybody is relatable in some way.”

Fortunately, Lauren’s pregnancy was largely uneventful. “I was expecting all the [symptoms and complications],” she said, “but, I’m not going to lie: my pregnancy was the easiest thing ever. I wasn’t sick one time. I never had high blood pressure or swelling. I didn’t have gestational diabetes. Everything they worried that would go wrong because of my age and being ‘geriatric’—none of it happened. Everything was perfect.”

At 14 weeks, Dr. Goldstein transferred Lauren’s care to local OB-GYN Dr. Jennifer Thompson. Due to fetal positioning, the delivery was by cesarean section. On August 16th, as Lauren completed her 40th rotation around the sun, Crew Michael Crowder began his first.

On Lauren’s 40th birthday, Crew Michael Crowder was born. submitted photo.

Crew is now 6 months old, and Lauren and Mike are loving their venture into parenthood. Lauren said that she has no regrets about becoming a parent at an older-than-average age.

“Everybody tells me, ‘You’re so relaxed and calm about things, and not uptight,’” she said. “People say you don’t have the same energy when you’re older, but I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s just a mentality. I don’t feel any more worn down than I did before I had the baby. I wouldn’t change a thing. I really wouldn’t.”

Mike, Lauren, and Crew recently had their first Christmas together. submitted photo.

Lauren represents a growing population of people who are getting married and having children later in life. Naysayers may harp on the challenges of becoming an older parent, but Lauren advises fellow parents-to-be not to focus on them.

“Don’t worry about anybody else’s thoughts or any stigmas; just do it,” she said. “Live your life. You only get one.”

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