Family is Built on Love

 

Navigating the world of blended families hasn’t always been easy for Sarah and Lee Medley and The Super 6, but the camaraderie is definitely worth it

by AMBER E. WILLMAN

 

photo by DR. ROBIN ROGERS

All eight family members participated in the Spa City Running Festival in Hot Springs in November.

Blended families are not a new concept. Every couple of decades, Hollywood gives viewers amicable characters, predictable story lines, and warm fuzzies to remind us that family is built on love not blood. The seventies had “The Brady Bunch,” the nineties had “Step by Step,” and more recently Freeform, had “The Fosters.” Unlike Disney, whose wicked stepmothers, and abusive stepsisters, have scarred more than one childhood, these shows encourage viewers to hope for the best. There may be drama, tears, and heartbreak, but there will also be love, laughter, and happy endings.

Lee and Sarah Medley were friends for over 20 years before they married almost three years ago. They met through a mutual church friend, and although their paths crossed occasionally, their friendship was platonic. Then one day, they were both divorced with three kids. 

Sarah and Lee were married on February 14, 2019, at the home of Sarah’s parents, Kerry and Alan Ribble. (Photo by Emily Tate)

Their foundation of friendship gave them a solid starting point, so they married quickly. Lee and his children moved into Sarah’s house. The kids immediately found themselves in a new, stable environment. Lee’s kids, Marian, 10, Collin, 9, and Caleb, 4, joined Sarah’s kids, Thomas, 10, Coleman, 8, and Marie, 6. Together, they became The Super 6.  “Since the kids don’t share a last name, this gave them a sense of family identity and togetherness. They might hate it when they’re older, but right now they take pride in being ‘The Super 6,’” Sarah says.

Unfortunately, about the same time everyone was settling in, the world was shaken by the COVID-19 pandemic. While most of the world dealt with the fallout of isolation and quarantine, this crew enjoyed the family bonding.  “Our kids were certainly never bored, and we loved watching their imaginations create games within our house and yard. They created YouTube videos, made elaborate sidewalk chalk creations, drew multi-chapter comic books, created indoor obstacle courses, and spent hours playing in our backyard,” Sarah explains.

During the snowstorm of 2021, the entire family enjoyed making their “Snowda” creation.

Like many families, the biggest blow from the pandemic was the hit to academics. While Lee and Sarah worked full-time, The Super 6 became virtual students.  “Virtual school felt virtually impossible. We did our best, but quarantine hit right when one of our kids was diagnosed with dyslexia. So taking him out of school was a huge blow! We were so fearful that the pandemic would put him even further behind, and we worked hard to find online resources to help him until we could get him tutoring in school,” Sarah says.

Lee reads a book to the boys, Caleb, Collin, Thomas and Coleman.

But transitioning from managing three kids to six was abrupt. As Sarah explains, it seemed like 10 times the work.  “Lee and I spent the first year of our marriage sitting down every night to answer the question, ‘How was your parenting today?’ I’m not just saying that; we really did it. It really takes intentional and ongoing planning for helping each child transition and emotionally navigate the world of blended families.”

But it helps to have a great partner. “I knew there were going to be a lot of challenges that I couldn’t predict, but again, Lee and I make an incredible team. We face many difficult scenarios with the kids, but knowing I have a spouse who is going to be by my side every moment until we figure it out is quite comforting and motivating,” Sarah says.

For Halloween 2019, the entire family dressed up as Harry Potter characters.  Lee was Dumbledore, Caleb was Hedwig the Owl, Sarah was Prof. McGonagall, Marian was Luna Lovegood, Thomas was Harry, Collin was Colin Creavy, Coleman was Ron Weasley, and Marie was Hermoine Granger.

And those scenarios are the kind many families deal with. Each child struggles in different areas. Different houses have different rules. The lack of consistency can be hard for young children. Sarah admits that it takes extra patience and many books.  “Books are truly our saving grace at the end of the day. During the pandemic, we latched on to the saying, ‘Books make it better.’ And it is so true! No matter how hectic or stressful the day has been … when we sit down at the end of the day and read aloud as a family, all the stress is stripped away in those moments,” Sarah says.

Every parent knows that the work-life balance is a tricky one. Lee and Sarah live together and work together. They are new owners of Trova Real Estate Services, formerly Columbia Property Management. Trova is a one-stop shop for real estate services, including buying, selling, property management (long-term and short-term rentals), and interior design services. Sarah is also a director for Usborne Books & More.  “Outside of Trova, we also invest in and develop real estate projects of our own. We are currently building a 500+ acre tree house nature resort and getaway in Hot Springs called ‘In the Trees,’ which we hope will become a relaxing getaway for people from our region to enjoy,” Lee says.

An active couple, Sarah and Lee repelled down a waterfall in Hawaii last year.

Juggling so much professionally, how do these two also manage the activities of six children? At last count they had: one piano player, four thespians, two taking virtual animation classes, two gymnasts, one ballerina, five soccer players, two basketball players, four comic book artists, and six bike riders.  “That is the #1 question we get asked, and it honestly isn’t easy. The logistics are just insane. In our business, we create systems and procedures for every task, because we know to grow and ‘scale up’ in business, we have to run like a machine. So we run the logistics of our family like the logistics of our business. The kids don’t even realize they are part of a system,” Sarah says.

With holidays fast approaching, Christmas is an exciting time for most families.  “Holidays aren’t too difficult once we have to let go of the idea of celebrating EXACTLY on the date of the holiday every year,” Sarah says.  She explains that holidays with a big family are fabulous. She says it’s been fun learning what each kid’s favorite tradition is from the “pre-blended family” era and combine them into one big set of “blended family traditions.”

“It will probably be years before I make it a holiday season without sending a kid to school in pajamas when it isn’t pajama day, but hey, we are making memories! Oh, and this article you’re reading is now our 2021 Christmas card, so enjoy everyone. It’s all your getting’!” Sarah laughs.

The word family still invokes ideas of a nuclear family. It’s never transporting kids between houses or navigating discipline as a stepparent or having to explain adult concepts to young children. But the definition of family evolving into so much more than a husband, a wife, 2.5 kids, and a dog. Family is brought together by love and affection. Family is making a conscious choice to take responsibility for another person’s physical and emotional well-being. 

As Lee explains, “Being a blended family is hard, and it is okay that it is hard. A lot of times the advice we give to our kids is that we aren’t always in the situations we want to be in. We are simply in the situations we are in, and we have to do the best we can from where we are. As parents, our job is simply to love our kids. We love them by trying to give them the tools they need to navigate beside us and eventually to navigate on their own.”

It is parenting in a nutshell.  Whether family is whole, half, step, or adopted. Whether family is friends and relations or in-laws and outlaws, the point is making the decision to love and invest in each other. The goal is to raise kids to be productive adults and contributing members of society. If it takes a village, consider moving to The Super 6’s zip code.