The Life of an Army Wife
/by Emily Ransom
photo by ABBY ELLIOTT
Emily couldn’t stop smiling when she was reunited with Travis at the Texarkana Regional Airport on July 8.
Women seem to be masters of multi-tasking. I’ve been a full-time working mom, a part-time working mom, an online working mom, having three children, two cats, and last year a group of seven “COVID chickens.” Some of my titles are mom, librarian, soccer coach and dance mom, and family chef, house cleaner, calendar organizer. But add in being the wife of a U.S. Army Reserve soldier, and I absolutely have more on my plate than I can handle alone. While I did not originally expect to live in a small town where I did not grow up, along with a husband who is out of town a LOT, being located in Atlanta, Texas, has been a blessing to our family.
Over our 18-year marriage, my husband has been activated or on trainings for months and weeks at random. Sometimes I was alone, sometimes pregnant, sometimes taking off more sick days than I had to keep a sick baby at home, sometimes holding it together for the kids while we missed him at Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, vacations, dance recitals, and track meets. As soon as he leaves, I can count on the dishwasher, the dryer, or a pet to die. We have a binder that he put together with lists of contacts for the electrician, the plumber, the car shop, and on a more serious note: his power of attorney and will.
During his deployment in support of Operation Freedom’s Sentinel during November 2020 to July 2021, Command Sergeant Major R. Travis Ransom received the Bronze Star while he served as the Senior Enlisted Adviser on training and deploying a formation that included 427 soldiers and 87 contractors. He will have served 25 years in the United States Army Reserve in May 2022.
Other hard parts of deployment are the coming and going. For a few weeks prior to leaving, the soldiers’ minds are on the mission. They start to pull away from the family while mentally and physically preparing to leave. Homecoming is good and bad. Everyone is happy and relieved the soldier is safe, but now the family is used to doing everything without him, and he doesn’t know where to fit in. The process to a new normal takes a while. The soldier and the family members had separate experiences during the deployment and aren’t the same exact people they were before. Who is supposed to pay the bills, take out the trash, clean dishes? Toes are stepped on, children are in new phases of life, the furniture has been rearranged … it takes time to grow back together as a family.
Travis with all three of his girls during a surprise homecoming party held in his honor on August 24 at Crossties.
While Travis traveled around the world multiple times from Bosnia to Thailand to Germany and most recently Afghanistan, I had the advantage (or disadvantage) of staying home. If he were Active U.S. Army (full-time), we would be living on a military base like Fort Hood, Fort Bliss, or abroad in a foreign post. I love to travel, and sometimes wish we had the built-in support system of other military families living together with common journeys. But what I do have staying in a small town without other military spouses is stability. We don’t have to move homes and schools every three years. I have family in Texas that helps and supports me. I have an amazing church family and a circle of “mom friends” who really stepped up to serve our family while Travis continues his military service.
Sometimes the well-intentioned questions are frustratingly repetitive: “How is Travis? Heard from Travis? When he gets back will he retire from the Army?” Over and over, we say, “He’s fine and wants to stay in the Army Reserve until they kick him out for old age!” The children don’t like to be reminded that he’s not here and missing things. Some days you cry. Others, you get to talk to him and are cheered up.
Travis’ son, Coyt, a graduate student at The University of Texas at Arlington, enjoyed seeing his dad during Travis’ welcome home party in August. This was the first time the two were together since Thanksgiving.
I thought after all these years, with the children being older and more self-sufficient that this deployment would be easier. He left around Thanksgiving, and two days before Christmas, I stepped off a curb and broke my foot and ankle. Add to that Snowpocalypse with eight inches of snow, no water for days, and broken pipes. For the next 2-3 months, I couldn’t drive. One friend took my older daughter to cross country practice before school for the rest of the school year. The other daughter started riding the bus and found out she loves the predictability of the schedule, and the two drivers are men who attend our church. Friends made us dinner, picked up groceries, brought over a Christmas tree, took me to appointments, and kept our family on prayer lists. I can’t thank everyone enough for lifting our burdens.
There are several helpful organizations for military families. Military OneSource offers free counseling and resources such as free tax prep and spouse education and career scholarships. The mission of Our Military Kids is to “support military children (ages 3 - 18) by funding sports, arts, and other extracurricular activities while a parent is deployed with the National Guard, deployed with the Reserve, or recovering from severe injuries sustained in a post-9/11 overseas mission. Participation in these activities helps military children cope with stress and build self-confidence during an otherwise difficult time in their lives.” I’ve participated in trainings for spouses of senior leaders that enable me to help other soldiers’ families.
After his recent deployment, Travis surprised Lucy and Anna when the girls completed summer camp at Brookhill Ranch this past July.
My advice for those looking to support a military family during a deployment is to reach out. It’s a lonely time. The girls and I were a great team but also got tired of just being the three of us! Ask them to dinner or to join you for a movie night. Drop an encouraging card in the mail. Tell them you are praying for them. Ask them if there’s any small house repairs or errands you could do to help them. Those small things mean a lot to the family and the service member. The days seemed endless during the deployment, and now that I’m on the other end of it, I can sort through the events and exist in less of a survival mode. I did not know what to expect marrying a member of the Army Reserve, and there have been ups and downs. But I am proud of the commitment my husband has to the safety and security of our country and the well-being of people under attack in other countries and try to do my best to allow him to fulfill this calling.
Emily Ransom is a librarian at Texarkana College, board member of Leadership Texarkana, the Atlanta ISD Education Foundation, and the Pineywoods Youth Soccer Association, past-president of the Junior League of Texarkana, mom of Coyt, Lucy, and Anna, and wife of Travis.