If Not Us, Who?
/
Following the call to foster leads to two of the biggest blessings in Shawn and Justin Bigby’s lives
by: VICKI MELDE
photo by JANNA VEENSTRA PHOTOGRAPHY
Since they were snowed in this past February, Knox and Charlie spent some quality time playing with their sisters, Olivia and Josie.
It is difficult to imagine how devastating it would be to have a child placed in your care for months – possibly even years – only to be removed. For those who follow the call to become foster parents, this is the reality they must face before ever agreeing to accept this awesome responsibility. For many with the best intentions, that possibility is so daunting that it prevents them from taking on this vital role for children desperately in need of the care and stability that is missing in their young lives.
For those who push past their fears and become foster parents, the blessings far outweigh the challenges. While some choose to take this step as a path toward adoption, others go into it knowing that adoption is not their intent. It is simply to support the primary goal of foster care – reunification of the family – by providing a safe, loving environment for a child who cannot choose what happens to them.
On adoption day, April 21, the Bigbys were able to share their excitement with all of their family members since the adoption took place via Zoom.
Justin and Shawn (Woodruff) Bigby had thought and prayed about expanding their family through serving as foster parents for quite some time. As parents to two young boys 11 months apart, they didn’t take the decision lightly. “My heart was really yearning for adoption, and I knew we could have a child in our home for one to two years and then have them leave,” Shawn shared. “After a lot of prayer, we felt it was still something we were called to do, and if it didn’t end in adoption, then that was not God’s plan. We finally decided to face the fear and keep following this route that we felt we were called to take.” After confidently deciding to move forward, the Bigbys were licensed within a few months and had a baby in their home about two months later.
Olivia and Josie are two months apart in age and have polar opposite personalities, just like their big brothers. (Photo by Jilly Bean Photography)
To understand their commitment to helping children whose worlds have been ripped apart, it is vital to get to know the Bigbys and what “makes them tick.” Shawn grew up in Redwater and attended Texarkana College and The University of Texas at Arlington. Justin is a California guy who moved to Texas after high school. “We were both living in Arlington and had mutual friends which is how we met in 2007,” Shawn explained. “We were married in 2011.” After they married, the Bigbys moved back to Texarkana where Justin worked at Jim Bob Hambleton State Farm, and Shawn worked at her dad’s business – Crocker’s Jewelers. When Justin got the opportunity to open his own State Farm agency in Carrollton, Texas, in 2017, the couple moved to the Dallas area.
Shawn holds Olivia and Justin holds Josie at their home the night Olivia came home from the hospital.
“A year after we moved here, I knew I wanted to plug into our new community by volunteering,” Shawn remembered. “After some research, I decided to do that by becoming a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA). Being a CASA plugged me into the foster care world which was very foreign to me. After an 18 month long case, I decided to take a break from CASA to pursue fostering.” The couple decided that Shawn would stay at home with the children when they began serving as foster parents.
Shawn and Justin’s respect and admiration for each other is evident. “Shawn is the glue that holds our family together,” Justin admitted. “She gives and has given up everything to be the best mom to our four kids. (Yes, four kids – stay tuned.) She’s always growing – never wanting to be complacent – and she’s my biggest supporter.”
Christmas 2020 was a fun time at the Bigby home with four kiddos excited about the holidays.
Likewise, Shawn expressed the quality she loves most about Justin. “He loves and puts his family above everything!” She continued, “He is such a hard worker and an optimist. Another thing I admire (and maybe am slightly jealous of) is how adaptable he is. Change does not stress him out or affect him, and this helped keep me balanced so much during fostering.”
Their fondness for each other is only topped by their devotion to their children. Justin and Shawn’s family began with two biological sons. “Knox (age 7) is extremely analytical and loves math and building things,” Justin explained. “Charlie (age 6), who is only 11 months younger, is creative and artistic and loves to draw.”
They talked a lot about what fostering is early on in a way the boys could understand best. “I worried a lot about how fostering might affect the boys emotionally,” Shawn recalled. “Would it take too much time away from them – would they be too upset to see a child leave? As it turned out, they were excited to be able to help these babies and, ultimately, I believe it was so good for them. It taught them about compassion and empathy which was so impactful for their childhoods in only positive ways.”
With their boys ages 3 and 4, when the Bigbys began working with the fostering agency, they specified that they wanted to foster children who were ages 0-2 so they would be younger than the boys. “We got our first placement in December 2019,” Shawn recalled. “She was 2 weeks old and was a preemie who had been in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for two weeks. She was only five pounds at the time which was so tiny to us! Both of our boys were big babies!” The little girl had some hard first weeks but she was a tough fighter baby.
Halloween 2020 was a family affair for the Bixbys. Pictured are: Shawn holding Josie, Charlie, Knox and Justin holding Olivia.
When she was 2 months old, Justin and Shawn learned that she had a family member with whom the little girl would likely be placed. “This was very hard, but we knew she deserved to be with family if it was a safe place for her,” Shawn admitted. “It took 8 months for them to come to the conclusion that she would not be moved as her biological mom wanted her to be with us.” The Bigbys have a relationship with the biological mom and send messages and photos often. They hope to grow the relationship in the future.
The rather fantastic part of the Bigby’s story occurred during the time that the agency had planned to move the first little girl. “We got the second baby when we found out they planned to move baby #1,” Shawn explained. “They had set a date to come and take her so our agency wanted to go ahead and place a new baby in our home. She also came from the NICU at 2 weeks old.” Here’s where their story gets really interesting … they found out shortly after baby #2 came that baby #1 was not being moved after all. The girls, who are now sisters, are two months apart and, like the Bigby boys, have polar opposite personalities. They were able to adopt them on the same day in April when they were 14 and 16 months old at the time.
“We renamed them but we gave them their biological mothers’ middle names so they would carry a piece of their story with them,” Shawn shared. “And for me, no matter what their biological moms were going through, they gave life to these precious babies, and I wanted to honor that. So, the older one is Josie Katherine, and the younger one is Olivia Nicole.”
Four little ones so close in age make for loud and crazy family time! “We love having family movie nights, and our boys love reading books to the girls,” Justin noted. “The girls love dog piling on top of the boys – they are so little but they think they are bigger than the boys!” “There are always nursery rhyme songs playing, boys laughing, and at times babies crying, but we love our big family,” Shawn added.
The boys were elated when they found out that they’d be able to adopt the girls, and they would be their forever sisters. “Our younger son, Charlie, was particularly smitten and has literally been glued to the girls’ sides ever since we got them,” Shawn shared. “He actually asks often when we will get more babies! Not happening – four is our max!”
The Bigbys are quick to encourage others to get involved in making a difference in the life of a child whether through fostering, serving as a CASA, or donating clothing and supplies to foster families.
Shawn shares: “CASA has a slogan – every child has a chance, it’s you! This is so true. If not us, who? If not now, when? If we want to make a difference in this world we need to start with our children. Be a voice for the voiceless, and you will make an impact. I love the analogy of the starfish story: ‘One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up, and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said … “I made a difference for that one.’”
The four Bigby siblings enjoy being together and having fun.
Photo by Janna Veenstra Photography