No Act of Kindness is Ever Wasted

After the loss of their son, Lisa and Dr. Mark Looney started a local chapter of Bereaved Parents of the USA

by JILEEN PLATT

photo by ALAMOND PHOTOGRAPHY

Duck hunting was a favorite pastime that both Rob and his father enjoyed together.  Here they are hunting at Clear Lake Hunting Lodge in December 2018.

Lisa and Mark (center) with Kathy Hillis, Rhonda Cunningham, Shearon Smith and Linda Jennings during their first Bereaved Parents’ meeting on March 9.   The group meets the first Tuesday of every month at 6 p.m. at Kids Castle.

Lisa, Rob, Malorie, Russ and Mark attending a wedding in New Orleans during September 2016.

An unfamiliar car was in Dr. Mark Looney’s driveway when he arrived home from work one day in late 2019.  After entering his home, he found a woman he didn’t recognize, chatting with his wife, Lisa.  Before too long, he came to understand her purpose.  Linda Jennings had known Mark and Lisa’s son, Rob, who had tragically passed away a few months previous.  

Linda told Mark and Lisa that she had known Rob a few months before he died.   “I was going through a hard time in my life, personally and with my family,” explains Linda.  “It was a low time for me.”  Linda had been crying most of the day when she entered Rob’s workplace in August of 2019.  She returned the following day to continue work-based discussions, and Rob had chocolates waiting for her.  “He told me his mom always said chocolate will make you feel better,” states Linda.  “He was so thoughtful … and so considerate.”  

After Linda saw Rob’s obituary, she felt the need to visit Mark and Lisa.  “She came to tell us how kind Rob was … how he had helped her.  She wanted us to know how he had impacted her life,” explains Lisa.  But Linda had another purpose for seeking out Mark and Lisa.  “She came to tell us that she had a nephew who died tragically,” states Lisa.  “His death still affected her, and she wanted us to know that she understood our pain.”

“This struck a chord in me,” remembers Mark.  While they had many loved ones and friends who offered condolences and mourned with them, for whom they are extremely grateful, it was the offer of true understanding of losing a child that made the difference.  “I needed that,” states Mark.  “And I think other people do, too.”

Rob was born in the summer of 1988. His older brother, Russ, was almost 5 years old when Rob was born.  “We did a lot together as a family,” says Lisa.  “They had great childhoods.  They didn’t fuss or fight with each other.”  Vacations all over the United States, from Wyoming to Iowa and Florida to Colorado, filled their time together including fishing, hunting, snow skiing, camping, hiking, going to the beach, and many more outdoor adventures.  “We certainly had our ups and downs,” states Lisa, “but we enjoyed ourselves as a family.”  

Russ, Mark and Rob celebrating lunch on Easter weekend at Ironwood Grill in April 2014.

Russ and Rob were raised worshipping at First United Methodist Church in Texarkana, Arkansas.  “Both boys participated in the youth group and were youth leaders,” remembers Lisa.  “We went on a lot of church youth trips!

“Rob lit up the room as a child,” exclaims Lisa.  “He had eyes of china blue … he was our gregarious little boy with a beautiful soul.”  Rob was described as sweet, kind, and loving.  “He was so in tune to things most people aren’t … he had such empathy for others,” remembers Lisa.  “Rob was very sensitive and perceptive.  He could notice someone who was struggling a mile away.”

Rob especially loved the outdoors and being in nature.  “He loved the challenge of duck and turkey hunting … and loved to go fishing,” states Mark.  So, in Rob’s junior year at Arkansas High School, when his parents noticed some changes, they felt there was cause for concern.  “He lost interest in friends and his hobbies,” remembers Lisa.  “His love of nature was waning … we hoped it was only a phase.”

One night, Rob came home unexpectedly during his freshman year at the University of Arkansas. “He was upset,” states Lisa.  “He said there was something wrong with him … he didn’t know how to describe it, so he didn’t know how to deal with it.”  That night was the beginning of a difficult mental health journey for Rob and his family.  Help was sought in many avenues over the years, including doctor’s visits, psychiatry help, medication, and therapy.

“We didn’t know what to say or do,” remembers Lisa.  “We tried to help … we talked to him as best we could.”  Mark adds, “We didn’t know where to go for help … and we felt like we were on our own.”

Mark and Lisa helplessly watched as their son didn’t respond well to the prescribed medications and therapy and began self-medicating.  “He was trapped inside his mind … and tried to cope and feel better,” says Lisa.  “It just snowballed and led to addictions … we were living a nightmare of watching our child self-destruct.”

“I did a lot of research on mental health,” states Lisa.  “I tried very hard to understand where he was coming from and what he was dealing with.”  Mark and Lisa struggled as they watched their son suffer.  They kept hoping that something would help Rob.  “It’s an under-researched area and it’s difficult to find a treatment that works,” says Mark.  “There is an epidemic of mental health issues in our young people.”

After a long period, with a lot of dark days and Rob very ill at times, things started looking up.  “He began to work again and was going to the gym,” says Lisa.  “He was trying to take better care of himself … and came over every night for dinner.”

On an evening in late October 2019, after enjoying dinner together, Rob hugged Mark, and they both expressed love to each other.  A few days later, Rob passed from this life, succumbing to his illness.

“The depth of grief is indescribable,” states Mark.  “You don’t ever get over [losing a child] … it’s a very lonely feeling.”  

Amidst the couple’s grief and processing the loss of their son, Linda Jennings appeared on their doorstep and offered understanding.

It was because of Linda and her empathy that drove Mark to seek out a support group for others like him.  “Some people don’t want to talk about [their child’s death],” states Mark.  “But I need to … I don’t want to shove my child’s memory in a corner.”  

In honor of Rob, Mark and Lisa have started a local chapter of Bereaved Parents of the USA.  It is for anyone who has lost a child, regardless of the reason.  Mark explains, “The stories may be different of how our children have died … but the pain is the same.  It’s the bond that helps us understand each other and ultimately pulls us together.”

Linda Jennings, her sister, Rhonda Cunningham (whose son, Allen Hightower, passed away), and their mother, Shearon Smith, own Kids Castle, a local preschool on the Arkansas side.  The three ladies offered to host the Bereaved Parents meeting, the first one held on March 9, 2021.  “We started this group to help others who struggle with monumental, profound, and unfathomable grief,” states Mark.  “However, some of the attendees [at the first meeting] ended up helping me instead.  I think it’s fair to say I learned a lot.”

In a sense, Mark is only doing what Rob would have done.  “It was Rob’s kindness to Linda that spurred her to extend kindness and reach out to us,” explains Lisa.  “[That experience] prompted Mark to extend empathy and kindness to others by forming the Bereaved Parents group.”  

The lesson from one of Aesop’s fables rings true …“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”  Kindness often circles back around in unexpected ways.  It is the circle of kindness shown to Linda Jennings, by Rob, which returned to bless his parents, so that they could bless and help others.  It is a circle that unites strangers and makes them friends.  It is a circle that heals hearts amidst great tragedy.  It is the circle of kindness, started by Rob Looney, which circles back and continues on in memory of him.