Marriage is Not a Destination; It is a Journey

by JEFF HART

Jeff and Kristi  in Oahu, Hawaii

I love to post pictures of my wife and me on social media. I always call her “my bride.” Technically speaking, she is not a bride. That is a woman who gets married on a wedding day. But I will say until the day that I die that she is my bride! What we have, honestly, is an absolutely, completely incredible God-ordained relationship that is far better than I ever, ever imagined that marriage could be. I promise you with all my heart, my bride is my best friend. I would rather be with her than anybody in the world!

Before you gag at our Hallmark love story, that’s just part of it. What we have in our marriage is a journey; it is not a destination. In other words, we have not arrived, and that is all that we ever have. What we also have are challenges, hardships, and struggles to overcome.  I had to realize that love is an unconditional commitment to selflessly serve, truthfully communicate, fearlessly protect, gracefully forgive, compassionately heal, and enduringly remain in relationship with and for the sake of another. 

One thing I have learned in 31 years of marriage is that a husband and wife must support each other in everything. A husband and wife must function like two wings on the same bird. They must work together in partnership or the marriage will never get off the ground. People always ask us the secret to surviving 31 years of marriage, and the answer has always been the same. God must be first in both of our lives. The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love each other. In a Christ-centered marriage, Jesus is your one, and your spouse is your two.

Matthew 22:36-37 says, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

Kristi and I have had the opportunity to counsel many couples over the years, and we always tell them that “divorce” is never an option. The vows you say before God are a covenant commitment before God. So, we all must remove the exit strategies! A “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

Jeff and Kristi were married in 1989, and to this day, he still calls her “my bride.”

If you are reading this and are not married, if you want a Christ-centered marriage in the future, then start living a Christ-centered life now! Seek out those that have marriages that have stood the test of time for advice. Our marriage mentors have taught us about submitting to one another, forgiving one another, honoring one another, respecting one another, and serving one another. This also includes praying together and for one another. The family that prays together stays together. I encourage you to pray for your spouse every day. You may say, “I do not know what to pray?” My advice is to keep it simple. Here is a prayer I pray every day:

“Dear God. Give us wisdom and clear direction in all we do today. Help us to show Your love to each other and shine Your light into the world. Keep us close to You, away from temptation, and always in Your will. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Remember, marriage is not a destination; it is an ongoing journey. Sharing that journey with my best friend is the best decision, I have ever made, other than accepting Christ as my Savior! That is why she will always be “My Bride.” 

Love to Last a Lifetime

by ELLEN ORR

photo by: DR. ROBIN ROGERS

Carl and Charlotte were married on January 4, 1975, and recently celebrated their 46th wedding anniversary.

Spending time with their grandchildren is special to the Nymans.  Here, they are enjoying ice cream and cotton candy with James, Elizabeth, and Crickette in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

On February 14, 2019, Carl rang the bell after completing 15 radiation treatments at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.

Charlotte and Carl Nyman met at Northwestern State University in Natchitoches, Louisiana, in 1974. He was studying electronic engineering; she was studying home economics. “We met at an establishment called The Keg,” Charlotte recalled. “He bought me a beer, and I spilled it on him.” In January of 1975, they married (“My mom had said I needed to marry a home-ec teacher,” Carl said).

Upon graduation, Carl began working offshore for what was then the Conoco Oil Company, and Charlotte began her career as a teacher. The couple spent most of the next decade living in Louisiana before moving first to Hobbs, New Mexico, and then to Midland, Texas—both moves made for Carl’s career. Then, in 1994, he took a job in Russia, working for 28 days and then having 28 days at home.

“They’d asked me to go overseas earlier than that, but with kids, you want to stay at home and make sure they go to the proper schools and get a good education,” Carl said. “I decided to go to Russia when I did mainly because my daughter [Jennifer] was starting high school, and I could work [the month-on, month-off] rotation, and she could stay in [American] school.” (The Nymans’ other child, Eric, had already graduated.) Over the course of nine years, Carl spent every other month working in Russia.

“When he was in Russia, I only got to talk to him maybe twice a month,” Charlotte recalled, “so when we were together, we made it meaningful. And when he was gone, I had to take care of everything, but when he came home, I had to step back and let him take on his role.”  (During this time, Charlotte was not only running the household; she was also teaching. During her 24 years in education, Charlotte taught every grade from kindergarten to sixth, plus home economics.)

In 1996, the family moved to Texarkana, where Charlotte had relatives and which was equidistant from her parents in Muskogee, Oklahoma, and Carl’s parents in Vicksburg, Mississippi. “And, really, we came here because of the lakes, so Carl could go fishing,” Charlotte said.

In 2003, the couple, having become empty-nesters, moved together to Venezuela, where they lived for four years before returning stateside. Carl would again work oversees—three years in Indonesia—but the family’s home base remained the Ark-La-Tex.  “We have lived longer in Texarkana than we’ve lived anywhere else,” Charlotte said.

Through numerous relocations and cumulative years of long-distance connection, Charlotte and Carl’s relationship prevailed. They have been together—geographically or just spiritually—for some of life’s greatest challenges. Their daughter, Jennifer, was born with neurofibromatosis, a genetic disorder that causes tumors to form on nerve tissue. “She went through several surgeries [as a baby], and with that kind of thing, you just have to close ranks and be a family,” Charlotte said.

Similarly, Carl has experienced his share of health issues. In January 2001, immediately following the infamous ice storm, he suffered a heart attack and required bypass surgery. “If it wasn’t for Charlotte being around, I probably wouldn’t be around,” Carl put succinctly. In 2018, he was diagnosed with cancer—a sarcoma tumor in his left thigh. Through four months of chemotherapy and radiation, “[Charlotte] was the one who kept me going,” he said.

The Nymans visited Northwestern State College while they were in Natchitoches, Louisiana, to attend the 2019 Christmas light festival.

Charlotte and Carl, retirees since 2003 and 2010 respectively, stay busy. Besides both being longtime members of Hardy Memorial United Methodist Church, they each have plenty of individual interests. Charlotte is involved in various local nonprofits, including Women for the Arts and the Salvation Army Women’s Auxiliary. An avid volunteer who enjoys helping others, Charlotte was honored for these efforts in Four States Living Magazine’s Tribute to Women issue in 2013. She also is heavily involved in the Delta Kappa Gamma Society, an international organization for key women educators. A member since 1998, she is currently serving a six-year term on the Alpha State Texas Educational Foundation Board.

Carl, meanwhile, is a ham (amateur) radio operator, “almost full-time,” he said. Using Morse code, he communicates with people all over the world. For example, in the first two weeks of 2021, he made contact with 140 different stations on every continent and in 44 states. “A lot of it is talking about your radios and how you’re setting up,” he said. “You might talk about your location, the weather, what you do, where you work. It’s mostly informal chitchat. And you know, when you talk to people overseas, they may not know, they might not be able to speak English, but in Morse code, you can talk to them. It’s kind of the international language, [through which] you can at least tell them what kind of radio you have and how strong your signal is in connection. It’s just a lot of fun.” He is a member of Four States Amateur Radio Club, as well as a Morse code club.

In 2021, Charlotte and Carl are hopeful that they will be able to see their two children and several grandchildren, who live in Lubbock, Texas, and Silver Spring, Maryland. “We love our grandbabies, that’s for sure,” Charlotte said. “Typically, we see them about four times a year, and [due to the COVID-19 pandemic], we have not gotten to see them in over a year. We miss them.”

Until a family reunion is safe, the Nymans will remain near home, only occasionally venturing out to camp. “At home, we work in the flower beds together, we mow the yard together, we clean the house together,” said Charlotte. After years of travel, upheaval, medical uncertainty, and time apart, Carl and Charlotte each treasure even the most mundane parts of life, made rich by the life partner by their side.